Conflict in relationships is one of those things that gets a bad reputation. Much like discomfort or pain. We sometimes mistakenly assume that relationships should not have moments of conflict, despair, frustration, discomfort, or pain. It is important that we learn what conflict really means so that we can deal with it accordingly. Typically in couples dynamics, conflict is not usually the problem we face, it is knowing how to deal with it in a way that doesn’t create calamity in our relationships. To have conflict is to be normal. But to avoid conflict, discomfort or pain is to sabotage an opportunity for growth. Conflict is really just growth trying to happen in your relationship.
Here we are, in the midst of a brand new year. The rush of the holidays have passed, we are financially recovering from our excess spending, physically recovering from too many holiday treats, and emotionally recovering from too much hustle and bustle or too much time with family members that we, uhhh, prefer to enjoy less time with. The new year marks a new start, a fresh beginning, and an opportunity to better ourselves. We often focus on resolutions like hitting up the gym, quitting smoking, saving more money, or living life to the fullest. But, how often do we make relational goals with our lovers? Why not shift our focus this year to also attending to our relationships?
So, you may be thinking about marriage or couples counseling and have started looking for a therapist. Finding the right fit can be confusing and sometimes a bit of a challenge, especially if you don't know what to expect. Many clients are nervous that when they finally do meet with their therapist, they will be met with some kind of fate about the relationship and that they will possibly hear something they don't want to. This is extremely normal and common for many individuals and couples pursuing therapy. If you're wondering if a therapist will tell you what to do regarding your relationship, then we have an answer for you.
The majority of couples that I work with (and even individuals) tell me that communication is a struggle for them. Either they don’t feel heard or understood, or they can’t keep a simple disagreement from escalating to unhealthy levels, or they feel like what they say isn’t important. HOW you argue is more important that HOW OFTEN you argue. If you have daily spats, but are able to address them quickly and create a resolve, that can be more healthy than arguing once a month, but never resolving the issue and communicating in a way that harms the relationship. One of the first steps in learning to communicate clearly and effectively is understanding what to eliminate in your communication style.
Feeling nervous or uncertain about marriage counseling? Are you looking for some guarantee that you'll see changes? Worried about putting the fate of your relationship solely in the hands of a stranger? You're not alone! Today, I'd like to share with you some tips on how to get the most out of marriage counseling. These secrets can give you more control in your marriage counseling experience so that you can increase your chances of seeing changes more quickly and getting the results you want.